It’s no secret that killers target sex crazed teens. Ever since Jason was left unattended at a summer camp, psychos have hunted spatially-challenged horn-dogs like they were going extinct. But what if the opposite were true? What if a murderer targeted those yet to make a move; virgins?
As the killing of several of her classmates escalate tensions in the small town of Cherry Falls, Jody (Brittany Murphy) and her fellow students are left in a state of panic and confusion. But when her Dad, the overprotective Sheriff Brent (Michael Biehn, Aliens ) along with the rest of the faculty discover the victims were all virgins before they died, they all scramble to do the nasty before their days are numbered.
Exes hook back up, nerds flex their comic book knowledge on shy wall flowers, and Dad’s ask their daughter’s if they’ve done “it” yet. This kind of pandemonium is played for laughs, and it’s hilarious, although just not in the way the film probably expects.
From minute one, the attempt to latch onto the Scream Franchise ’s success becomes pathetically apparent. Parents coming home before to see their child murdered, a principal murdered during the daytime, and even a kidnapped Dad and well meaning but suspicious law enforcement officer combined into one. It’s twist is a mishmash of Kevin Williamson’s original 1996 film and Alfred Hitchcock’s, so if you’ve seen either and were hoping for a nice surprise, you’ll have some idea who the culprit is before Jody’s even left the classroom.
It’s not a question of the film’s originality, as some of the best slashers were cutting and pasting what they liked from Black Christmas to great effect. It’s more a question of what director, Geoffrey Wright didn’t do to elevate. As the greatest twist of this film is realising that Metal Skin’s true-blue Aussie director made a bargain bin American slasher. And with it’s barely audible dialogue, complete with classroom echo and ruffled mics, it may have been a bargain to make, but it certainly is a ripoff to the ears. And with no subtitles on the official DVD, it just goes to show how much the distributor, much less the director cared about their “masterful” writing.
But it’s not all bad, in fact, it’s a fun time with mates because it’s bad. When it jumps discordantly to Matrix-esque chase scenes and gaudy early naughties special effects, or cuts to it’s cheap wigs or rubbery props, you can’t help but feel giddy. And at the very least, Wright knows how to do some interesting set-pieces now and again. Like the real stunt driving at the climax of Metal Skin, when the killer interrupts the high school orgy at the end of Cherry Falls , a herd of half nude students clamber down the stairs to escape, only to stampede the poor female officer attempting to apprehend him, in what is one of the only kills I’ve seen in a slasher that doesn’t directly involve the main killer.
But besides those big moments, it doesn’t really have its own identity, and that’s made more insulting when more serious topics are turned into cartoonish spectacles to “shock”. Other horrors, even meta ones like Scream, treat these traumas seriously. Sidney’s whole arc is predicated on the idea that while we get to home after the credits roll, Ghost-face’s actions with live with her and the rest of his surviving victims long after. Wright will often try to do something similar, but often mishandles or heightens the drama to the point of slapstick. He gets that horror is supposed to be a fun thrill, but often forgets why we confront those horrors on screen in the first place.
So, did I have fun? Yeah absolutely. Do I think it’s a good film? Absolutely not. With the constant stream of slashers that I floating around there, I think it’s a interesting exercise into what producers mean when they say, “That’s great! But can you make it like this other thing?” A guilty pleasure for sure, but only with a buddy.
And when I’m watching movies, there’s always room for one more – ; ) .
